Teenagers and Freedom

Teenagers are adolescents; adolescence is the stage of maturity between childhood and adulthood. The transition to adulthood is generally defined as the time when individuals begin to function independently of their parents.

Looking back, most parents would probably say that parenting a newborn was easy in comparison with parenting a teenager. They knew that this little person depended on them for everything he or she needed to survive – nourishment, shelter, protection - and initially their child readily accepted what they had to give. Now, 13 or 14 years later, that same child retreats into silence, resists their advice and guidance. He/she may react with anger or sullen resentment when parents make these attempts. What happened? What happened is that their child reached the point all children will eventually reach, where they need to step out of the shadow of their parents’ lives and begin to forge their own lives and their own identities.

Does raising a teenager mean parents are no longer needed? Of course not. The reality is that a teenager does need to move away from his parents and out into the world beyond their protection, but he or she also still needs the parents to be there to assist him make this transition smoothly. To successfully parent a teenager means letting go – trusting that their teen, even if he or she makes some mistakes along the way, will eventually make good choices. It means understanding that the way any of us learns to make good choices is by making some bad ones along the way and experiencing the consequences.

However, it doesn’t mean letting go completely. What parents should do is encourage a sense of independence and self-confidence in the child. Teenagers need to be given time, support and guidance by their parents. Teenagers need protection against the dangers that they may face so that they can be prepared for the future. But in order to develop the confidence he or she needs to fully enter the world of adults, a teenager needs to push their parents far away enough to explore his or her capabilities as an individual.

Author Virginia Star once said, “Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.”

Teenagers exist as part of the adult world, but also in an autonomous, self-regulating world of their own creation. There is a wide discrepancy between the two experiences. Adults can never properly know the teenager’s own world. Even if they see what children are doing, they cannot understand the meaning to teenagers of those activities. They’ve forgotten; and perhaps that’s why they so often don’t respect the teenager’s different and unique needs. Adolescents want to feel in control of their lives, and parents want adolescents to know they still make the rules. In these situations, everyone may benefit from the parents focusing their efforts on the adolescents' actions (attending school, complying with household responsibilities) rather than on expressions (dress, hairstyle, preferred entertainment).

The 18th century philosopher Locke observed that “Children are travelers newly arrived in a strange country, of which they know nothing; we should therefore make conscience not to mislead them.”

Parents need to remember that their teenage child isn’t them. They were an individual, with their own specific history and their own insecurities and their own individual needs. So is their teenage child.

Mikhail Bakunin said, “Children do not constitute anyone's property: they are neither the property of their parents nor even of society. They belong only to their own future freedom.”

Parents should not try to stamp their experiences or history on their teenager. It really is a much different world for teens today than it was when their parents were that age. There are stresses and pressures that today’s teens face daily that our parents never dreamed of.

One major change is probably in the amounts of time teenagers spend in activities that their parents never had in their own teenage years and for some, not there even now. These include the facilities like the Internet, MP3 players, Mobile Phones, and everyday issues like parties, hairstyles, and relationships. A major problem for the kids is that they are, in general, far ahead of their parents in terms of the above mentioned issues and activities. There are still 24 hours in the day, but the number of activities a teenager does has increased.

“Perhaps the surest way to tell when a female goes over the boundary from childhood into meaningful adolescence is to watch how long it takes her to get to bed at night," said Hildegarde Dolson.

Teenagers nowadays try to fit more into their lives, and what parents and teachers don’t understand is that the pace of teenagers’ lives has speeded up, and it is not the teenagers not being able to keep up, it is the elderly lot, because their lives have never been so hectic and demanding.

Freedom doesn’t necessarily mean getting the guts to do the impossible and the appalling. Freedom simply symbolizes the need for our own space to become innovative.

Teens need freedom to learn the right choices and to demonstrate their ability to respond well. And they need the chance to mess up in order to learn this. The central reality is that teenagers get to design their own lives. They are able to explore and think about their choices with a new clarity and understanding, and are therefore able to begin planning a path toward success. Therefore, learning how to be responsible makes it indispensible for teenagers to have that kind of freedom.

William G. Sumner remarked, “It used to be believed that the parent had unlimited claims on the child and rights over him. In a truer view of the matter, we are coming to see that the rights are on the side of the child and the duties on the side of the parent.”

We all hear about personality and character building, but what use is the belief of these ideals if they are not put into active practice? The very essence and core of the heart of personality and character building is having the freedom to pursue that in our own ways.

Nikolay Koloff, Russian novelist and playwright once said, “As you pass from the tender years of youth into harsh and embittered manhood, make sure you take with you on your journey all the human emotions! Don't leave them on the road, for you will not pick them up afterwards!”

It is no secret; rather it is a universal truth that development of personality and character begins in the 'tender teenage years'. Now it doesn't seem realistic or right to withhold a teenager from this freedom that is essential for this process, unless of course, we want a generation who cannot stand on their own two feet.

Sound decision-making is another one of the expectations put upon teenagers. "With freedom, comes responsibility". However, how can responsibilities be taken upon growing shoulders if a teenager is not given the freedom to make his/her own decisions? Part of the process of growing up is learning to assess and deal with risk in a way that doesn't restrict or constrain. The danger of overprotecting teenagers is that they will never learn how to deal with risk because they are constantly being sheltered from the world. The consequence of this will be that they will never become fully independent competent adults.

Author Martha Simmons said, “Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.” Teenagers will never learn to make good decisions as adults if they have not been given the chance to do so in their teenage days.

Teenagers need freedom to control their lives and to make good decisions about the future. You are the best person to assess your own talents and abilities and know what is, or is not, best for you. But then again, if one has to be constantly led around by one’s teachers and parents, when will one ever learn to think for oneself?

Teenage is a wonderful phase of life; those few crucial years which determine who you become as adults; the days when a person changes into the person he/she’s going to be for the rest of their life. Teenagers should just be careful who they grow into.